Excited Sports Announcers

During the final Olympic match in men’s volleyball, one of the clearly excited announcers actually used the phrase mismangled balls and then later referred to one player’s sizzling armpit hairs. What? While I pondered the use of the prefix mis to modify the word mangled, Chris found humor on a much more sophomoric level. Both of us gave surprised glances upon hearing about the sizzling armpit hairs. While one may observe mismangled balls, whatever that means, exactly how does one observe the sizzling of armpit hairs?

Glasses are for Dorks

What I did this Summer

Watched all three seasons of Arrested Development.
Vacationed in White Sands, New Mexico.
Started and completed my wedding scrapbook album.
Changed my name.
Made Law Review.
Witnessed my cousin’s wedding in Hondo, Texas.
Worked for a judge.
Visited family and friends in Fort Worth.
Was a housewife.
Tried to keep up with the kids at VBS.
Saw a pageant, a parade, and a planetarium show.
Slept in.
Baked lots of cookies, some brownies, a pound cake, and a key-lime cheese cake.
Did a little demolition work.
Got a hole-in-one at putt-putt.
Shopped.

Now that’s a summer.

Month Seven: Mr. and Mrs. Sias a.k.a. Mr. Gas and Mrs. Vaseline

This month it became official: I’m Mrs. Sias. Just look at my bill statements, my insurance card, my check book, my visa, my driver’s license, my social security card, or my college transcript. The only official documents still bearing my maiden name are my birth certificate (can’t change that one) and my passport (not really necessary).

It’s a good thing that I finally changed my name because in my mind, this means that Chris is stuck with me and I’m stuck with him. It’s too much work to change your name and I certainly don’t intend to do it again. So, yes Chris, even though my hands have been so dry lately that I’ve covered them with moisturizing socks at night, I’m still yours. And yes, even though may pass gas in his sleep, Chris is still mine. we have the same last name now. There's no going back.

It's not Easy Being Green

Almost every store advertises their version of a reusable shopping bag as part of their effort to save the planet. Chris and I recently purchased some of these bags. After a few months of use, I’ve come to realize that if stores really want to save the planet with their reusable bags, they first need to teach their employees how to effectively fill them.

Please teach the employees that the bags hold more than four items. I don’t want to leave the store with three reusable bags and five plastic bags holding the 40 items I purchased. Those bags are big and strong – fill them up.

Please teach the employees that the reusable bags are not intended to be used in addition to the plastic bags. I do not need all of my cold stuff separated from my vegetables, each placed in their own plastic bags that are then placed inside the reusable bags.

Please teach the employees that the reusable bags are only beneficial if they are used instead of the plastic bags. If you accidentally place my three items in a plastic bag before re-bagging them in my reusable bag, please do not throw away the plastic bag just because it is no longer attached to your handy bag rack. What is the purpose of carrying my reusable bag if the same amount of plastic bags ends up in a land fill?

Please teach the employees that if I do not place my three oranges in a plastic vegetable bag, I do not want them placed in a plastic grocery bag before they are placed in my reusable grocery bag.

The last time I went to the grocery store I spent $30, which didn’t buy very much. The kid bagging my groceries couldn’t fit everything in my three spacious, green bags so he started using plastic bags. I quickly stopped him and said, “Everything should fit in those green bags.” He blushed and then picked up the plastic bags holding my cereal and bread and set them inside the green bags.

Someone needs to inform the grocery stores and big-box outlets that being green isn’t as easy as simply advertising a reusable shopping bag. Please educate your employees on how to fill those bags. Do it because I’m tired of getting ugly looks every time my conscious moves me to say something to the person bagging my groceries.