Pregnancy changed around week 30. It was around this time that casual coworkers and even a few strangers began asking questions about my due date and the baby's gender. I finally looked round enough in the right places for people to be certain that I am pregnant.
At 20 weeks |
At 23 weeks At 30 weeks |
At 31 weeks |
At 34 weeks |
It was also around 30 weeks that I realized sooner, rather than later, I will meet baby Sias. This caused two reactions. First, I felt a sudden urge to "get things in order," which mostly caused anxiety given the state of chaos at home due to a major renovation project. Second, the thought of losing the constant connection between my baby and I made me sad. Part of me did not, and still does not, want baby Sias to come out. I want baby Sias to stay inside me, constantly connected to me, a part of me. I like feeling baby Sias move inside me. I like knowing that baby Sias is warm and cozy. I like that baby Sias is all mine, only mine. When I finally admitted my feelings to Chris, he lovingly called it a mother's bond. I like Chris's label better than my labels of over-protectiveness, anxiety, and selfishness.
At week 32, Chris and I saw baby Sias inside my womb in 3-D. I never planned on paying the extra money for a 3-D sonogram because honestly, 3-D photos of babies in the womb are simultaneously real enough and distorted enough to look pretty darn creepy. My doctor, however, does a sonogram at each visit and is able to switch easily to 3-D mode. While I still maintain that 3-D photos have a serious creepy factor to them, watching my baby move in 3-D was entirely different. Chris and I watched baby Sias open and close his/her tiny mouth, stick out his/her little tongue, and scrunch his/her little face. Seeing baby Sias move in 3-D, and seeing Chris' excitement as a result, made me excited about meeting baby Sias in a few weeks, even if part of me is still a little sad that I will lose the constant connection I've come to love.
As with most pregnancies, the last few weeks of my pregnancy have been marked by increased physical discomfort, difficulty sleeping, and random emotional instability (i.e. crying). This week I had dream that I forgot to breast feed my baby for a several days, as if my body and a newborn baby would silently and painlessly allow me to go days without breast feeding my baby. Instead of focusing on these things, however, I am focused on enjoying the exciting side of a first pregnancy. It's fun watching my stomach move uncontrollably, planning for the unexpected, and being the recipient of endless attention and special treatment. This is the part of pregnancy I want to remember, and the part of pregnancy I know I will miss in just a few short weeks.
1 comment:
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! I can't wait to meet little Sias. It's going to be a great life!
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